Note: I don't ask you to read this but if you wanna read and judge me because of what I write down here. It is up to you.
You only see what I wanted you to see anyway.

My only intention is to portray a life of a normal person who has lot of challenges to endure- and his journey to know who he really is and be who he wanna be and suppose to be.

Now, we start...
One of the many traits that can make a person success in life is their good attitude. And unfortunately, my problem with attitude becoming more and more worse from one day to another.

I planned to study since yesterday at 9 p.m but was interrupted by sudden request from Alimin who asked me to accompany him with dinner.
Then, when I went to my room, I straightly lie on my bed and playing my phone till fell asleep.

Today, more or less, the same circumstances are repeating again.
I cannot restrict myself from doing things that I shouldn't.
At the verge of watching some funny You Tube videos, suddenly I got a call from an anonymous.

She asked me about what I'm doing right now and how's my life?
She introduced herself as Kak Yati and suddenly, the image of good looking & professional woman from my past event with Faskes cropping up.

Yeah. I remember her.
She was the one who praised me a lot and also told me that I had the sanguine type of personality.
She approached me very well and I (kind of) persuaded to join her with her Prudential insurance program.
Luckily, I got lot of commitments to deal with especially on our Student Representative Council thing.
So, I decided next time (maybe) gonna worth the time.

I have to admit that I wanna start my own business since I hate the concept of 'makan gaji' or simply working for government.

We cannot improve a lot if we depend too much to the government.

Yeah. Maybe it is beneficial to give us such sustain and stable income.
No doubt on that, but you cannot go far.

You only capable to survive but either you give a hardwork or you not work at all, it gives no difference.

I don't bother to strive a bit if I really know the rewards i'm gonna reap.

Yeah.
It is a matter of time.
Now or never.

*People like to judge but only I know who I am as a whole.
You only see what I wanted you to see.
So that was what I told myself and get the courage till decided to share some of my life fragments in this blog.

Look between the lines.

Read between the words.

The most important things are left unsaid and unheard.

Bismillah...

Actually one of the reason for why I like to write a lot is because; I do think that my ideas and emotions can be convey clearly through writing compared to verbal or oral expression.
This might be true and might be not.

Perspective..

And this leads me to another question about principle.
What is the principle the we hold onto, so that we not gonna fall in the future?
Are we still believe this life as the way it is when what we perceived as truth is not a truth anymore.

So called life has so many chapters and factors that affect it as a whole.

Let me give you an example:

I'm someone who believe that working hard is the key to success
Then, suddenly I realized that my roommate always watching movies and playing videos games.
I never saw him study or touch a book; more than an hour.
Lastly, he got better result compared to mine.

If you're in that kind of situation- What would you do?
Do you still believe that working hard is the key to success?
When your friend who is working- less still able to achieve his goal?

Yup! It happens to me a lot.
What we read in a book, never gonna be the same as what we experience in the real life.
There's always one or two things that are not exactly the same.

As time goes by, we learn one new lesson whether...
1) Try to be flexible in life
2) Stick with the same principle because there's always 'special cases'

Maybe...
This's why we have too many ideologies in this world, ranging from communism, capitalism for economy; Confucianism, Taoism, Protestent, syia', Sunni for religion and as far as monotheism or polytheism to describe the existence of god!

If we think this thoroughly, we'll be crazy....
It's because they're no equal between one another.

Till many of them use up the quotation:
' Nothing is wrong in this world- it is a matter of perspective'

Yeah! 
Quite truth somehow but what will happen then?
If everyone really believe to "Nothing is wrong but perspective is right"?
Not everyone has the same definition of what is right....
Isn't?

I'm still searching for the answer.
But on the time being, I believe this's why God has guided us with His manual which are..
1) Al Quran/ Holy Quran
2) Sunnah & Hadith (Guidance from our prophet- Muhammad pbuh)

It doesn't matter in what you believe in..
But what's matter is you have the belief..

Because someone who has no principle gonna be blown away by the wave of ideology....
To somewhere he never ever imagined.
But he, himself not wanted to be there...
From the very 1st place.

Last week, I was caught in depression without any clear reasons.

I easily got annoyed almost to every single things that happen to the surrounding, although it was a simple matter.

Circadian Cycle Also Affecting Our Flip- Flopping Hormones Level

I keep wondering 'why?'; and asking myself again and again.

Till I read this wonderful article:

Cited from The Star ( 2016 December 12th): 5 common causes of depression.

.. Insomnia- triggered depression ( My summary):

Many mental health professional are unsure whether the lack of sleep is the cause of depression or vice versa. But WebMD states that people with insomnia are three times likely to suffer depression than those with normal sleep pattern.

Yeah! This verse answered all of my questions.

I never imagined that by waking up as early as 05:30 a.m will affect my mood in the long run.

Maybe I should go to sleep more early so that my circadian rhythm will turn out normal again.

Hmm.. I have to admit that my sleep- waking pattern was disrupted lately due to my inefficiency in prioritizing what shall and what shan't I do in a day.

That's why they said: "You can learn everything; if you pay attention"

Yup. Indeed! I agree. 

Bismillah...

Living in the hectic life and keep doing things without questioning may lead us to boredom and burn- out.
I think, that's what happening to me right now.

I was caught in a training of ROTU almost every weekend and didn't have an adequate time with myself.
I was caught in 'kejar- kejar' situation and somehow, it makes me loss my motivation and reason to move forward.

I didn't mean to say that by participate in ROTU, you'll lose a precious time at the weekend OR your life will be chaos.
It is me- Who was too busy to re- arranged my schedule and prioritize what is important.

I always think that I should keep my madness to myself- And now- I can't.
No More.

What Introvert Person Need The Most?

To be honest, I'm not an introvert kind. But, I (usually) like to be alone when I'm frustrated and suffocated with life and my surrounding. I try my very best to not tell anyone about what I afraid of nor what I really feel on something.
That's working but won't last long.

History teaches us that human is a social culture.
We've to communicate to express our feeling...
We've to release our anger, stress and frustration to someone we believe and (we know) can keep our secret.
It is okay to be seen as weak; by your best- friend.

But, so called best friend is hard to find.

W. H Auden